Bisexuality

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AwkwardNerdCat's avatar
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> First off if you're going to leave disrespectful comments then get off my page before I end up reporting you. I have zero tolerance for people who aren't going to respect my rights as a human to love whomever I want.



I don't remember the exact day I realized I was bisexual. I wouldn't even use the term 'realized', I guess I knew all along, I just didn't want to automatically label myself bisexual because I didn't want it to turn into a phase. I guess it isn't really that big of a surprise, either; I love the LGBT+ community and have countless OC's involved in it.

    So I guess I'm just going to tell you about my experiences of being bisexual? I'm pretty open about them. I feel like it might give hope to people that are trying to come out. I dunno.

    Coming out to my father and his girlfriend;
   
Out of all the times I came out to people this was the easiest other than telling my closest friends/cousin. My dad never said anything rude about gay people and one of their friends had a gay brother. Tawnya (his girlfriend) was always supportive of LGBT+. I was at their house on the weekend when Tawnya came up behind me - I was sitting at the computer - and I had my iPad flat on the desk in front of me, typing a text to a friend. In one of the visible messages above, I had said "I plan on coming out to my dad and his gf", and I tried to move the screen so she wouldn't see. I don't know if she did see that message or not.
    She hugged me and asked if I was hungry or something like that, then went back into the living room. My dad was in my sisters room reading books to her, and I was mentally preparing myself. When he came out and went into the living room to join Tawnya, I waited a moment before going in after him.
    We sat for a while, my dad was playing his iPad and she was chit chatting with me. After a few minutes she asked "anything going on lately? anything you need to talk about?"
    She's really heckin' good at knowing when something's up. I hesitated and said, "sort of." and started hinting to my dad that I wanted him to turn the iPad off. He did and then set it down and they both looked at me expectantly.
    She was patient as I tried getting the strength to say it out loud for the first time. Eventually I started talking and this was our conversation from then on;

    Me: So, basically... I mean, it isn't a huge thing. I guess it depends on how you guys see it. But, anyway... I've been doing some thinking... and... I'm bisexual.

    It went a little quiet, but Tawnya nodded and then my dad (he isn't that good at hearing anymore, so being him) picked conversation back up in his usual way;

    Dad: What?

    Me: I'm bisexual. 

    Dad: Oh. Okay.

    I was really choked up and I didn't know what else to do. I kind of nodded to myself. 

    Me: So that's that... that's... that's it.

    Tawnya: What, sweety? It's okay, you can tell us anything.

    Me: It's just a lot to say...

    By then I started crying and my dad reached out and pulled me into them. Tawnya moved closer and the two of them held me and let me cry. I explained that my mother didn't know. They both told me that I didn't need to tell anyone if I didn't want to or if I wasn't ready. My dad told me that I was still his little girl and he didn't see me any differently. They both just kept telling me that it was okay. Tawnya asked when and how I'd figured it out. It felt so good to get it off my chest to someone.

    And then coming out to my mother is an entirely different story. That was one of the hardest things I'd ever done. It took almost a whole month to tell her - and even then, I did it a little accidentally...
    On April 13th, I started dating a girl. She's my first girlfriend and I'm extremely happy with her. A few days after that, I was at a restaurant with my mom and sister and this couple walked by on the sidewalk outside the window holding hands. I smiled and went, "aww! I wish I could do that!" without realizing I'd actually said it out loud.
    My mom went, "with who?" as mother's would, and I kinda got this feeling like oh crap there's no getting out of this one oh god someone help me.
   
I'm like "Nobody, it's nobody." But she kept pressing on and on so eventually I took a deep breath and our conversation went this way;

    Me: Okay, so... uh... what if... I told you it was a girl..?

    Mom: ...Emma...

    I was so horrified because she almost looked just as scared as I was. She looked kind of like I'd betrayed her. I was shaking violently.

    Me: What..?

    Mom: Well... you've never... how do you know? You've never been on a real date with a guy before. How would you... know..?

    She was smiling as if this amused her, so I wasn't as scared. 

    Me: I... don't need to have gone on a 'real date' with a guy. I just... I just know. 

    And she didn't say much about it after that. For a while we didn't talk about it but it seemed like she tried ignoring the subject before I brought it up again.

    Me: So..?

    Mom: 'So' what? 

    Me: I don't know, I just... I don't know...

    Mom: What do you want me to say?

    Me: ...I don't know.

    Mom: Well I don't know what you want me to say, Emma. I love you for you, and... there's not much to say here.

    She looked at my sister when she said that.

    See, my sister is only six - seven as of next month - but nobody ever explained to her what gay means. Or anything related to LGBT+ community. My mom acts like my sister is some glass trinket and explaining it to her would be like a cat swiping it off the ledge and breaking it. 

    So we didn't say much but I don't think she understood how hard that was for me. We got home and the conversation picked up again.

    Me: So you understood what I meant earlier? About having a date to the dance?

    There was a school dance coming up and I'd mentioned that I had a date.

    Mom: *sigh* Yes, Emma. I understood.

    Me: Okay... I just... you seemed... I dunno.
    
    I don't remember everything. But I do remember the ONE thing she said to me that completely set me off.

    Word for word, she said this: "I just don't want you to think... I mean, there hasn't been much talk of boys, and you haven't had a boyfriend in quite a while, so... I don't want you thinking that if you don't have a boyfriend you need to take whatever's there."

   
I was, and still am, pretty offended by that. Even my dad and his girlfriend texted back when I told them with: "What?!" 
    I just... who says that?? She basically called me desperate! Even my best friend gasped and she was like "WOW." 
    I'm kinda still shaken by that. I can't believe she said it. I don't want to continue because I could ramble all day about how inconsiderate that was.
   > Mom, if you ever read this, just know; that really offended me??? I'm dating Makayla because I love her, not because I can't get a boyfriend. The girl I had a crush on before that wasn't fake. Seriously. I'm. Not. Desperate. Oh, and because I know how it feels to be offended about my sexual orientation; I came out to dad and Tawnya before you because I knew how they felt about LGBT+ a lot better than I knew how you felt. Dad said you had a gay friend but I'd never heard much about him, so, y'know. Also your parents are strict, so I didn't know how they raised you with that. I just hope you can learn to accept that I like girls and guys a lot better in the future - it's probably a lot to go through and I can understand that.



I haven't told my grandparents yet. I'm not sure how, but someday it'll happen. But you all know my cooking teacher and the one who directed the play I was in?? He knew as well! He helped me a lot with coming out and such. Our conversation was the following;

    Me: *ranting on about an ex boyfriend*

    Him: You know, you could have a girlfriend, too.

    Me: ...yeah, yeah, I could.

    Him: Do you?

    Me: No. I kinda like a girl though.

    I told him her name which I won't put up here because I'm a nice person lmao and because if she reads this I'm screwed.

    Him: Oh. Well that's okay. That's good.

Like he couldn't have said that more perfectly. I felt so good. I almost cried tears of pure joy. 




But me and Makayla are one of the OTP couples in the school. We've only had one bad experience with homophobes - because we just love having our human rights taken, right?!
    We have the same hoodies (coincidence - not planned) and one day we held hands and we were both wearing them, and someone yelled: "OMG YOURE SO CUTE" at us as we walked down the hall.    
    Then someone saw us just plain holding hands and gasped and went: "OH MY GOD YOU GUYS ARE GOALS" and I think I blushed for the first time but I was so happy.
    Everyone in my homeroom class encourages me and lets me rant about how happy I am and I could not be happier. I brought her a flower at the dance and we slow danced and it was amazing. I fricking loved it.

    That same night though, some kid we know found her after a slow dance - I was elsewhere - and he started yelling at her with the following: 

    Him: You were dancing with a girl! You're a f***ing lesbian! Don't touch me! 

    Mack: Yeah that was my girlfriend??

    And she told me that he said that, right, so I found the kid and this happened:
    
    Me: HEY!

    He turned around.

    Me: Leave my girlfriend alone!

    He acted confused and looked me up and down like he was trying to figure out if he knew me.

    Him: What the f**k?

    Me: You heard what I said! Leave her alone!

    And I wouldn't have fought him - but my friend dragged me away because she knows my mouth will continue going if it can. 

   


I won't show a picture of us, but here's our hands so you can ship us;

Me And Mack by AwkwardNerdCat
I'm the darker-sleeved one.
    I fricking love her. Do you ever love someone so much that you're horrified of loosing them but you want to make sure they know how much you love them and you're like "ohmigod i'm being clingy they're going to hate me"
    Yeah that's how I feel.

    Hahaaaa



    Anyway, that's it. I wanted to write about it and get all my emotions out there. Because it feels good to do that and I know deviantart is full of support.

    Thank you all.
    :heart:

    

    
© 2017 - 2024 AwkwardNerdCat
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Madcupotea's avatar
Awww I love this so much :')

I'm very proud of you for getting through this so far, It will take time for some people to understand, but they have to at some point! You are so frickin' brave and It's terrible that the dude was such a little shit-stain to the both of you, but either way you should just ignore him altogether (even if it is difficult). Have a wonderful day glorious person!